The only negative of the whole trip came Christmas Eve. Traditionally, mom's side of the family has gathered at the home of the grand patriarch and matriarch of the family. My grandfather passed away almost two years ago. I still can't walk into that house and not look for him. His spirit fills every corner of the house, which helps some. Anyway, this year there were about forty of us, give or take ten or so. In years past, the adults would draw names for the gift exchange. Recently there has been a shift to men buying a gift for a man and women buying a gift for a woman. Each person who contributes a gift draws a number then picks a gift from the proper pile. When your turn comes, you can take a gift that has already been chosen and unwrapped or choose one from the pile.
It can be difficult to buy a generic gift for a woman--there are lots of soaps and candles every year. Men usually get tools of some sort. This year there were the requisite soaps, candles, tools plus some watches, car cleaning goodies, car emergency kits, etc. There were also gifts of candy, hot cocoa...care packages, really. What was sad to me was the overt uncaring and nonappreciativeness of some of those in the exchange. Receivers of some gifts proffered their already opened gifts for others to take because they didn't want them or didn't know what they could do with them. How very sad and disappointing.
Are the holidays no longer about spending time with loved ones? Have we really become so callous, so desensistized, and the holidays so commercialized that we have lost site of what really matters? Spending time with others, having enough to put together a little something for others or receiving something that someone spent some time finding and wrapping, even if it is not something we would get ourselves are some things I love about Christmas. Can we not hold our tongues for just a few minutes in order to avoid hurting the feelings of others?
My husband and I will not be participating in this type of gift exchange the next time we go to Kansas for Christmas. It is the same people who cast this grey cloud over family activities year after year. I generally distance myself from them, but in a gift exchange such as this, that is nearly impossible to do. In the coming years, as long as the extended family continues to gether for Christmas, my husband and I will only participate in the caring and sharing, cooking and eating, visiting and discussing, singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. After all, to me, that's what it's about.
